We´ve made the decision

I didn´t intend to be quite as mean as I´ve ended up being, keeping you in suspense and all. Truthfully, I wasn´t trying to be mean, it just happened! Actually, what happened is that Jess and I needed to email some people personally about our decision about the job, and since we did that I´ve been a combination of lazy and busy, and am only getting around to writing again now. So sorry to keep you waiting so long, but now there´s good news: the wait is over.

We decided to accept the job. That´s the short version and if you´re satisfied with it, feel free to skip the rest. For those of you who like details, here´s the long version. After visiting the school in Sao Jose dos Campos and being presented with the offer, Jess and I thought and thought and talked and talked (which was kind of the same as thinking and thinking because we tend to think and feel the same way about things such as these) until we had worked ourselves into that point where you have absolutely no answer whatsoever. Not even a slight idea about what you think the answer is.

Then something interesting happened. We stopped talking about it. Without making a conscious decision to do so, we just stopped. Every now and then we´d vaguely refer to the fact that we had to make a decision about the coming year of our lives, but that was it. I believe that it was something the Lord did, because even though we need (in a sense) to make the same decision, we needed to hear what the Lord was saying to us individually. We´ve spent almost every waking moment of the last 6 weeks together, so it seems like a small miracle to me that suddenly we were able to just leave this huge topic aside and continue going about our lives for a few days. After we realized what was happening, then we started reveling in the fact that we weren´t talking about it to the point that we had to force ourselves to sit down and talk it out after a week had gone by.

On Sunday evening we realized that we should probably give the principal an answer the next day, so it was a matter of ready-or-not, here it comes (the answer that is). I had flip flopped quite a bit (somedays yes, somedays no) throughout the week, but eventually the Lord did something in me to show me that it wasn´t about the job specifically, but about where my heart was in relation to the job. I found out later that the same thing happened with Jess. We were both brought to the point that we realized that the job itself wasn´t attracting us. Anyway, when we spoke, I went first and said, `If I have to give an answer, then I think my answer is yes, but I have no idea why because I´m not excited about it at all.` And Jess was like, `ME TOO!` Somehow the Lord brought us to the same weird point by the time we had to make the decision. Both of us expected some kind of emotional confirmation, or overwhelming sense of peace to accompany whatever decision it was. But it was kind of like we got the answer detached from any emotion. So we prayed together again and sent off an email the next day to accept the jobs we´ve been offered. I must say it´s the most tentative step forward I´ve taken in my life.

I don´t think I wrote much about the job last time. We are going to be assistant teachers - Jess will be teaching music and I´ll be with the grade 1, 2, 3´s - either all three classes or just one of them, I´m not sure yet. The school provides us with a place to live, a hot lunch at school with the kids every day (We tried it out. It´s great!), transportation, grocery money, health insurance, dental coverage and a salary. We´re there to assist that teacher in the activities every day, but we´re not going to be responsible for planning all the lessons or evaluating the students. My personal favourite parts of the job are that we get to wear jeans every day (no longer to I have to look forward to Friday for that!) and that the teacher-student relationships are very human.

To tell you the truth, I´m still not crazy excited about it all. I´ve actually been quite overwhelmed with homesickness now that we´ve decided to stay. I know that everything will be fine, but there´s a lot of unknown involved. And for me that´s pretty scary. But one of you sent me something in an email recently that says perfectly the point of situations like this:

It's funny how sometimes we come to the realization that we have no control of our future whatsoever, no matter how hard we try to prove ourselves otherwise.

The Lord has been hiding Himself from me lately, which I haven´t taken to very well. But yesterday He used a verse to speak and meet me where I am:

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us makes evidence the fragrance of the knowledge of God everywhere. (2 Corinthians 2:14)

1. God always leads us.
2. His leading us is a triumph - it´s always something triumphant that He has conquered us for Himself.
3. Always means it doesn´t depend on how I feel (I don´t have to feel triumphant for it to be a triumph that He is leading me).
4. Wherever we go, God can use us to spread the fragrance of Himself.
5. Always and everywhere don´t depend on me, but on God.

I don´t necessarily feel these realities right now, but I believe them and it encourages me to know that they are true. Thank you all for your prayers.

Oh, and one last thing. It´s been fun discovering little by little who is reading this blog. We love to hear from you when you write!