By Searching

This is a little something that Jess and I have each enjoyed recently. We brought the book, By Searching, along with us, not realizing how good it would be to read it. I felt like it was "sent" to me at a perfect time:

When is the Search ended? In one sense, it is finished when our hand, stretched out to God in the name of His appointed mediator Jesus Christ, feels the answering grasp and knows that He is there. But in another sense the searching never ends, for the first discovery is quickly followed by another, and that by another, and so it goes on. As I write it is dawning a new day. The far horizon has seen the bright spot of the rising sun, but heavy clouds soon covered it. However, these clouds have become illuminated and streaks of pink and gold beauty are breaking through chance rents in their filmy cover. One discovers glory after glory as the eye eagerly explores the heavens. And so it is with God. To find that He is, is the mere starting-point of our search. We are lured on to explore what He is, and that search is never finished, and it grows more thrilling the farther one proceeds.
Up to this point I have discovered that God is; and that He is mine by the mediatorship of Christ. I have discovered that He can and will teach me His way, or His plan for my life. I have found that He can overcome obstacles and that we do not need to arouse a great hullabaloo to get Him to do so. Hudson Taylor was right in his discover: "learn to move man, through God, by prayer alone." By searching I have discovered that He has strange and sweet ways of manifesting Himself; at sundry [various or many] times and in diverse manners God is still speaking (Heb. 1:1)
~Isobel Kuhn

We Have a Home!

And it's thrilling. I'm not sure what we were worried about before, thinking it would be too small, because it fits just right. I was telling Jess that I look around and feel like I've been given so much . . . even though I know mentally that the apartment is tiny and we don't have many things. It's such a satisfying feeling to feel satisfied.

Part of the reason we can appreciate the little so much is due to the grand finale of our first two months' living situation. I think if we had arrived here straightaway, our feelings of gratefulness would have been quite different. Don't get me wrong, we LOVED living in Santana with Bernadette and were sad to leave (we've already gone back to visit both her and the neighbourhood), but by the end our bedroom was serving us as a bedroom, a kitchen (our dried goods were stored above our clothes in the closet and our fruit ripened on the floor), and a laundry room (we strung up a clothesline back and forth over the foot of our bed)) . . . which lead to a general air of permanent claustrophobia. On top of that, Jess got quite sick and had to stay at home in bed for three days, soaking up the "crampedness" to the full during our last week.

By the time we came to see the apartment again before moving in, we were like, we thought this was too small? I still revel in the fact that when we buy groceries, they ALL get to stay in the kitchen! :)

I have plenty more to say, but as usual there are not enough hours in the day to do all I'd like to do. It's almost 9:30pm, our usual bedtime, and we're getting up extra early tomorrow to be able to get to the outdoor market in a park just around the corner from our apartment before we have to walk to work at 6:40am.

So for now, goodnight dear friends and family.

P.S. Please think about coming to visit . . . wherever you are!

Two Minute Post

This is just to let you know that we´re alive and well. We´ve moved into our new apartment, and have been cleaning, and travelling about the city (and out of it) in order to collect the bare necessities of a new home. We discovered this internet place nearby recently, but hardly have the time to use it . . . however, that should change soon because we´re scheduled to have the internet installed in our place this Saturday. Which means that very shortly (I hope!) I´ll have the opportunity to give a real update on our lives. Until then, so long.

Accounting for our Absence

Since I last wrote I´ve been sick, we´ve been to and from the International Conference at the Estancia twice, we´ve done some recording in a professional studio, I´ve gotten and gotten rid of lice, and Jessica´s got sick and is in the process of getting over it. A lot of everything has been happening lately, and we´ve hit the ``I want my Mommy`´ stage. What doesn´t help is that while we were at the conference, two sets of our friends parents took care of us in various ways, and now that we´ve returned home by ourselves the absence of parental figures in our day-to-day lives is felt keenly. However, there´s no need to be alarmed. We´re doing well. On top of all the outward busyness, there´s tons going on below the surface. Jesus´ ways are certainly not my ways. I wouldn´t have planned all the things He´s done and is doing, but I can see that they are good. I keep remembering the song I learned way, way back in the day:

Whatever God says is true
Whatever God does is good
Whatever God plans He carries through
Whatever God says is true

We´ll be moving this weekend, so I´m not sure when I´ll write again for real. But as soon as I can, I will. Thanks for the recent emails. I´ll be responding bit by bit.

Pictures

I´ve posted some pictures here for all to see:

http://joyalegria.multiply.com/photos/album/18/18#

There would have been more if it didn´t take quite so long to load, but alas, it did, so these will have to suffice.

It´s Been a Month Already!

That makes it sound as though I can’t believe so much time has passed, when in reality all that has happened since January 14th seems to be too much to fit in the space of only four weeks. But it certainly has. We’re still living in Bernadete’s house, and although we’re excited to get our own place (we decided to take that apartment I wrote about two weeks ago, and are just waiting on paperwork to be able to move in), a lot of unexpected and “unplanned” events took place this week that made us especially happy that it hasn’t happened just yet.

It’s so good to be able to live with the certainty that God is in control of our lives, but there’s something so exciting about those times when He lets us take a glimpse of some of His “behind the scenes” workings. We knew that Bernadete was a believer, and we’ve all been able to speak freely about the Lord together, but we hadn’t really connected on a deep level until the Lord arranged a few perfect circumstances that allowed us to all be able to open our hearts up this week.

After school on Thursday Jess and I were preparing something to eat, when Bernadete told us that she’d made a decision about something because she felt that the Lord had told her that she was headed in the wrong direction. She shared with us how she’d been having doubts, and had been waiting on the Lord to show her clearly what He wanted, and now that He had, she was going to follow Him even though it would cost her things she wants/feels she needs. As she shared with us, I felt amazed that the Lord had brought us to live in this house. It made me realize that sometimes outward situations hide the most precious things – as we fellowshipped together I realized that we were in the presence of someone who lives such a sweet and simple life before the Lord, relying on Him inwardly for all of her needs. She had no idea, but the things she shared with us were also answering questions that had recently come up in our hearts. One of the things we talked about was having discernment, and that the more we know Jesus, the more we are able to recognize His presence (or the lack thereof) in the events of our lives.

She shared with us how when she was initially renting our room, she had prayed to the Lord to only bring someone (she was renting for one person at the time) who served Him. A lady had come along, and wanted to rent the room, but Bernadete didn’t feel like she wanted her, so she told the lady in faith that she was sorry but the room was already rented. And that’s when she got a call about us (the day before our arrival), and put an extra bed in the room to prepare for us. Now we know why she and her sister were high-fiving each other when they found out that we were believers. God’s pretty good at what He does, eh?!

It just so happened that after this we all (Jess, Bernadete and I) went together to a Christian gathering that we’d been invited to the day before, to which none of us wanted to go, but somehow we’d all said yes. I would actually like to put the word Christian in quotes in that last sentence, except I am certain that there were genuine believers there, so I won’t. I really believe that the Lord took us there to contrast the inward life with the Lord that we had just discovered in Bernadete, because what we got was an extreme outward show, but no Jesus.

Picture simplicity: we were in the back of a very simple house in a very out-of-the-way neighbourhood with a group of people who don’t have much of anything. This was contrasted greatly with the person leading the meeting, who was flashy in everything he did. From the start to the finish this person demanded our attention (in no uncertain terms), and commandeered every single aspect of what took place. He started off by asking performing “healings”, then told us when to stand, when to sing, when to pray, what to pray and what not to pray(and kept throughout this time so that it was impossible to even think let alone try to contact God), sang songs prepared background music he’d brought along, told people when to be silent (even when they were obviously crying out the Lord), shared things briefly from the word, asked everyone what they needed from God and told them that he was responsible to provide all those things because God had sent him to them (to people who nobody visits because they have no money – yes, he said that out loud), and ended by collecting an offering. Absolutely everything that occurred pointed obviously to himself as the centre and focus of our being together. He could certainly sense that Jess and I weren’t being controlled, because he was surprised at the part where he went around asking what we all need from God, when both of us said, “Nothing”. When we talked about it later, we laughed because both of us had had the same thought, “I don’t need anything. I’ve got Jesus!”

By the end I felt completely disgusted and offended that someone should try to stand between God and I, and so thankful that I can come to Jesus without any intermediary. When we arrived home, all three of us agreed that we don’t ever need to go again. Jess and I had plenty to talk about after that night! It’s funny how much the Lord can show you through contrast. I’m so thankful that God is so real when we seek Him, and that He’s promised to be found by us when we seek Him with all our hearts (Jeremiah 29:13). I felt so much for the people in that gathering who had come because they wanted Him.

In the past two months the Lord has been teaching me about believing. It’s impossible for me to write today all that He’s taken me through, but I have come to realize that there is a whole different world available when I really and truly believe: it’s the world of faith. And it does not depend on what we see, but it depends on what Jesus says, and who God is. I don’t believe so that He will accomplish such and such. If He has spoken, I believe because He is faithful. Whether or not it looks possible does not change the fact that He will do as He has promised. Because no word will be impossible with God. (Luke 1:37)
Here are a few verses, a poem and a couple songs the Lord has encouraged me with to help me to take my eyes off of what I can see, and place them on Himself. We aren’t the authors of our faith; we just have to receive the faith He is offering us, because He operates within us is as the power to believe:

And Mary said, Behold, the slave of the Lord. May it happen to me according to your word. (Luke 1:38)

And blessed is she who has believed, because there will be a completion of the things spoken to her from the Lord. (Luke 1:45)

Do not let your heart be troubled; believe into God, believe also into Me. Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. (John 14:1,27)

Now when Daniel came to know that the writing had been signed, he went to his house (in his upper room he had windows open toward Jerusalem) and three times daily he knelt on his knees and prayed and gave thanks before his God, because he had always done so previously. So Daniel was taken up out of the den, and he was found completely unhurt, because he had trusted in his God. (Daniel 6:10,23)

For my faith
though it be weak,
makes me strong: (R.W.)

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

Lord, now I see,
You only want me to believe
Not to change
In all my failures and defeats
To believe what You have done,
And not in what I see.

Lord, I believe,
When all around me is defeat
And it seems that nothing’s changing outwardly.
No! I’m not discouraged,
I’m believing You.

Yes, I believe,
And there is no demand on me.
Simple faith, yes , that is all you want from me.
Freed from anxious doubting –
I’m free to just believe!

Believing You,
Because, Lord, You are my success!
When I fail, all I must do is just confess,
And go on enjoying You –
I love believing You!

Highlights of the Week

I keep remembering that the very first time we came to Brazil with a big group of young people back in 2001 that I said out loud, “I could live here.” And now, here I am. It surprises both Jess and I over and over again. Every few days one of us says to the other, “Can you believe we’re living in Brazil?” Usually we can’t. We had a great week. Exhausting, but good to the core.

Music in the street
Monday was a long day, starting at 5:15am (which turned out to be exceedingly early – even after sauntering to school from where the bus dropped us off, we arrived at 6:40. . . we now know to catch the 6:30 bus rather than the 6:05) and ending with an after-school meeting at around 4:15. By the time we’d caught the bus home and were walking down our street it was getting to be dinner time, and we were pretty tuckered out. Deep in conversation as we neared our place, we faintly heard music drifting through the commotion of the busy street, getting progressively more definite as we continued on our way. When we got close enough we saw that in a tiny used instruments shop a lady was trying out a keyboard while the shop owner accompanied her on his guitar. The chorus stopped us in our tracks, and we just stood staring across the street, taking in the sight, the sounds, the moment:

At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light
And the burden of my heart rolled away
It was there by faith I received my sight
And now I am happy all the day

It was as if my senses picked up signals from all the outward stimuli and worked together to cause all the emotions of that particular moment of my life – joy, sadness, restfulness, anticipation – to surface. It’s hard to put certain feelings into words, but I think the sentiment that wafted over me was a recognition of the changeableness and fragility of life, and a subsequent welling up of an appreciation for all I had at that very moment. And for some reason, it made me cry.

Caught in the Rain
There was a staff meeting at 6:15pm on Tuesday, which we hadn’t known about until we arrived in the morning. With our friend Denise, who is here from the Philippines for a year to do the same thing as we are doing, we walked to a bakery after school to get away for a bit and have something to eat. On the way back to school there was thunder and ominous clouds, which made us hurry on our way. We had to leave the meeting early because we’re all living so far away and wanted to be home before dark. Had we known the amount of rain that was coming, we would have left earlier. But we hadn’t known, and just as we were reaching Denise’s bus stop, it started pouring. Denise had an umbrella, which she and Jess shared, and a girl named Sebastiana offered to share hers with me. It poured. Our shoes and jeans and were soaking wet. We waited and waited and waited for Denise’s bus to come. It got dark. Her bus finally came, and she was on her way with her umbrella. Jess and my umbrella’s are currently in a suitcase in São Paulo at Arne’s house, so we were grateful that the rain let up as we started towards our bus stop a few blocks away. The let up was short-lived. We got poured on. I kept having to wipe my eyes because I couldn’t see for all the water in them. I had to laugh at myself, because even though there wasn’t anything left of me to get wet, I was still jumping to try and avoid puddles. The rain was warm enough that I wasn’t uncomfortable despite the fact that I was only wearing a sleeveless top. Our bus was a long time in coming, and by the time we finally got home (two hours after we’d left the school) both of us were quite ready for a hot shower and dry clothes. All in all, it was a thrilling adventure. I loved every minute of it.

Culture Shock
After the first day of school, which came with an overload of awakenings and realizations, I felt like, a year is going to be a long time. Same thing after the second day. Both Jess and I had shocking realizations about how much we are not from here by running into school-culture culture shock. When we talked later, we found out that we’d gone through the same thing feelings as we watched our teaching partners affectionately hug and kiss the students as they arrived; and I emphasize, affectionately. I felt like the most freezing-cold stiff person on the planet. I’ve never felt extremely uncomfortable with the warmth of South American people the way some people do. In fact, I like it. But in the context of school my whole being forbade it. Throughout our teacher education, it was emphasized, and reemphasized, and re-reemphasized about the importance to not ever show anything that could be interpreted as love towards your students. In fact, it’s best not to let them know that you’re a human being just in case someday someone happens to interpret what you do in a way you wouldn’t want them to and . . . the inevitable negative consequences of your good-hearted intentions occurs. I only slightly exaggerate. We were told to be sure never to do this, and never to do that, to the point that once we were actually teaching, it was awkward to receive hugs when the kids gave them to us just because.

It’s not the only difference in school-culture, however, which has made me realize that one can’t go from being a Canadian teacher to being a Brazilian teacher just by way of teaching in a Brazilian school. I know I will inevitably be changed after this year, because we as human beings have an incredible ability to adapt. I am already having to fight and hold on to my Canadian English – we are in such a strong Brazilian English environment that when I speak to the kids, I can already here the lilts as my voice rises and falls in ways it ‘should’ not. But I’m excited to change and be changed by the coming year. A year is a long time, but that’s not a bad thing.

The Kids
By day three I lead an activity with the kids in my class and was reminded again why I became a teacher in the first place. As they came up to me one by one, or called out to me, “Ms. Joy, Ms. Joy – come see”, and as they crawled into my lap at circle time I remembered how much I love being with kids, and how much I love to be able to be a positive influence in their lives. I’ve already gotten attached to my two classes, and realize that a year is going to be over all too soon. There are a few who stand out:

J – the little blond boy from Australia, with his two front teeth missing and constantly has a shock of hair falling into his eyes, who has an incredible accent and can’t speak enough Australian English to satisfy my desire to hear it
D – our new arrival from Pakistan who also has an incredible accent, and cannot speak without smiling
D – a little charmer who has an incredible personality, and loves to joke around, but who also has an incredibly strong will (he refuses to eat anything he doesn’t like and at lunch every day he eats a plateful of rice with salt on it) and is my challenge to discover ways to make him want to do things he thinks he doesn’t want to do
P – an adorable little boy who makes every effort to speak English, and speaks it in such a way that makes him seem much older than his seven years
C – a girl of Kenyan and Finnish decent, who is always ready for everything that’s going on
M – C’s friend, who is an extremely definite little girl
M – a boy who I’ve already gotten through in terms of a change of attitude, and who I’m looking forward to being with the rest of the year

I could go on, but I must eat breakfast so that we can go and accomplish things today.