Reflections

I crossed the street walking home from work one day last week and passed by a mother and her son having an afternoon snack together at a little table outside a padaria near my apartment. There they were, he, still in his school uniform and she, telling him something he needed to be doing just then. My eyes passing over the scene, and my ears catching the lilting sounds of Portuguese, prompted a brief inner conversation:

Mental me: Look! You live in Brazil!
Emotional me: It doesn’t feel like it.
Mental me: What does it feel like then?
Emotional me: Like life.

Just the other day someone asked me what I like best about living in Brazil. I had no answer. None. I started into answering and then stopped. As I admitted that I didn’t know, I found myself surprised.
What exactly do I like about living here? Well, there are a plethora of reasons. Now that I’ve given it some thought, I could answer it a single word. It’s the adventure that I like.

It’s the adventure of living in another language - learning it, discovering it and using it to survive. The adventure of finding my place in a place where at first I didn’t belong. It’s the adventure of building a life from scratch. It’s the adventure of meeting new people, hearing their stories, and letting that broaden the ways I look at the world. It’s the adventure of working a job I enjoy, where I’m forced to grow professionally and personally, where I’m surrounded by people I am happy to call my friends, and where I teach children who make work feel like play for a few hours every day. It’s the adventure of watching myself be changed inwardly and outwardly by a culture surrounding me, one so different from my own, and wondering who I will end up being after all this is done. And this year, especially, it’s the adventure of living alone.

I sometimes laugh at my last-year-self who cried about the life my this-year-self is now living. If there was one thing I never wanted to do, it was to strike it out on my own. I dreaded it. I love being with people. What could be good about living alone? And yet, I am now of the opinion that it’s been the best thing that could have happened at this point in my life. I’ve discovered so many things that I never knew, and never could have known had I not had this experience. The bliss of freedom, for one.

I must admit that the realization of freedom was a little intoxicating at first. I left work one day at the beginning of the year, wondering what I should do, and the thought struck me, “Wow, I can do whatever I want . . . all the time. Did I really cry about this?!” It was an easy adjustment after that. I distinctly remember times of being disappointed by people’s invitations to go and do things because I had already made plans with myself to do something else. Okay, so I did go a little overboard. But I put the freedom to good use, too. I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish, and promptly tore through most of it. In fact, it’s high time to make a new list. Life, I’m discovering, is a whole lot about discovering.

I’ve discovered a lot about me. I’ve discovered that I love to laugh at life even when no one is there to laugh along with me, that it’s still fun to dance in the living room all by myself, and that the thought of making myself delicious food at night can still keep me excited all day long. I’ve learned that food can taste delicious even though there is no one to share it with (but I still usually call someone up to tell them about it!). I’ve discovered that when no one is around to inspire me, I’m still inspired about life – I’m interested in learning and in living and in growing and in changing. There is so much I want to do and to become. Every day, I feel as though I’m racing myself to bedtime. I’ve discovered that there is not going to be enough time to do all I want to in life with all the interests that I have.

I’ve discovered a lot about people. I’ve taken to talking to a lot more people than I used to – people I meet as I’m out and about my day and people at work that I had never sat down to have a conversation with. Being on my own, I notice that people approach me to talk a lot more than they ever did before. I’ve discovered that people, no matter who they are, usually have something to give, and that I usually have something to give back. I’ve discovered that friends can be found in places I’d never looked before. And I’ve discovered that dear friends still manage to make life sweet even at a distance.

I’ve discovered a lot about God. I’ve discovered that He is always present - taking care of me as a loving Father and accompanying me through life as a kind Friend. I’m aware of Him in ways I can only be aware of Him because there is no one else beside me. And my awareness of Him has given Him opportunity to change my heart in ways I never imagined it could be changed. I’ve gotten to see Jesus more for who He really is, and not simply who I’ve been told He is. And He is beautiful. His unfailing heart of love for all people holds me in awe. The more I know Him, the more I want to know Him. And the more I wish everyone could know Him as I do.

What do I like best about my life in Brazil? It’s not any one thing. It’s like a kaleidoscope. There’s not a single color or a single shape that makes the fascinating image you see as you stare through the cylinder. All of the colors and shapes come together to make something beautiful for an instant. And with every turn of the kaleidoscope, new colors and new shapes form a new beauty. That’s what I like best. The kaleidoscope of the adventure of life. I like the discovery of all the things that make life beautiful today. Not just life in Brazil, but life itself.